He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
