i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
