i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
