This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
