Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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