You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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