My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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