He uses pillows to masturbate.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize