She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize