this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
