Me. At least after what I've been through.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize