Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize