Your face is a jimmy john
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am naked and annoyed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
