i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
