No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
