i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
