who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
