Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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