ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
