I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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