last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
