i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
