The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
