so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
