he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
