:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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