What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
