I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
