I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
