i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
