i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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