he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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