I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
