my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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