oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
