honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
