This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
