I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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