i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
