thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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