When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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