Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
