pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize