As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
