Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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