you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize