she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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