Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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