sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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