I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
