Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
