Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
