So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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