guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize