This girl is more easily done than said...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
