What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
