Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
