Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
