First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
