She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
