Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
