The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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