anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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