ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize