She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
